Saturday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 53 years old. I'd like to say it was a perfect day where I smiled at our good times together and did things she would have wanted to do were she still alive. While that part is true, if I'm being completely honest it was a really hard day for me. My sweet boyfriend took me around town and we ate mexican food (her favorite) and drank chardonnay (her other favorite) by the ocean, and it was wonderful. But I still felt a lingering emptiness, missing her more than usual.
While the sole purpose of starting this blog was to honor and celebrate the life of my amazing mother, I still have a difficult time being completely honest with how I'm feeling about losing her. I challenge myself to focus on the good times, and use this as a positive space to share happy memories, similarities, and pretty little things I know she would have loved. But unfortunately it isn't always so easy to do so. There are days when I really, really struggle with the pain of losing my hero. Especially lately--I'm at that tricky time in my life (like all of us 20-somethings) where I don't have much figured out and I'm changing my mind all the time. There are so many days when I desperately wish I had her to talk to, to give me advice. On those days I find a way to connect with her as best I can, whether by taking a walk and talking to her, perusing the web for Nike clothes, or planning for this blog.
I don't want this space to be a negative one dripping with sadness; that was never my intention or how I want these posts to come across. My hope is that I can give you all a chance to know her, and be inspired by her just as I was. Next time you're enjoying white wine, I urge you to raise your glass in her memory and toast the wonderful life she lived.
Happy Birthday, Mom.